These are some of the most awful words I hear as a pastor: "I don't think I fit in here." And when I do, it makes me want to scream into a pillow, or eat chips & salsa, or go for a 3-mile run--anything to let out a little frustration, but without doing something I'll have to repent of later. I want EVERYONE to fit in here! I want everyone to find a place to worship, a place to serve, a place to hang out, a place to grow, a place to find healing, and a place to "get the inside jokes." Is that asking too much of a local church? I don't think so.
So, why do these words bug me? Did the person who uttered them say something wrong? Is it their fault? NO, of course not! I appreciate the straightforward honesty. But to tell you the truth, there are lots of reasons for someone to say this, and it's not always easy to tell what's really going on in their lives. For some, it's a genuine cry for help. For others, it's a selfish cry for attention. For some, it's the prodigal son desperately wanting to find a home. For others, it's the older brother who's frustrated that he's no longer the center of attention. Try to follow me here...
No one can ever really know the heart of a man except that man, himself. But, for those making a cry for help, this is what I think is going on inside their heads:
"I really like this church, and I've been coming for a while. The worship is inspiring, the sermon speaks to where I am living, the children's ministry seems to be effective...but something's missing. I'm starting to wonder if I truly belong here, or if anyone would miss me if I was gone. Am I developing any true friendships? I definitely feel like I am 'buying-in' to this church's vision, but I still don't feel personally connected. Maybe, it's me. I don't think I fit in here..."
If the words above are like a page torn from your journal, please hear this: You DO belong here! A local church is a family where everyone has a seat at the table, and also, helps with the dishes afterward. The local church is an army where every ranking officer has orders that must be followed, in order for the battle to be won. The local church is a body where every single member is important (including eyes, ears, pinky toes, colons, and vocal cords). The local church is awesome--but it's not-quite-as-awesome-as-it-could-be unless everyone goes along for the ride!
The Bridge Church is in transition. That's obvious to see...but the day we STOP transitioning to the next thing God has for us, will be the day we start dying. (And in case you can't discern the rhetorical irony here...I don't intend to let that happen on my watch.) Change is uncomfortable. If we're not careful, things (and sometimes, people) will get lost in tranistion. And we can't let that happen either.
So the next time you hear your brother or sister wondering aloud if they fit in here... look them in the eye and say, "Yes, you do!" Then take them to lunch, invite them to a small group, go to the driving range together, pour them a cup of Rwandan coffee, or give them a big hug and say, "I love you man!"
(Now, to be honest, some of my jeans don't fit like they used to, but that's another issue...)
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Oh my, that blog post oozes with insight and discernment. I touch and agree with your pledge.
ReplyDeleteDr. Martin Luther King in his "I Have a Dream" speech said, "...We cannot walk alone. And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back...."
If your starting to think that "you don't fit in here", I encourage you to meditate on Dr. Kings words. Dr. Kings speech is all about a dream that started in his mind that was spoken into existence through his speech. God's word tells us to speak those things as if they were. Which means you have to start thinking like God. He spoke the world into existence from nothing (what was in God mind; he spoke).
So instead of speaking "I don't think I fit in here" turn it around to "I do fit in here". Surround yourself with church members that will encourage and inspire you to grow and get engaged with the people. And watch how good will honor what you spoke into existence.